I am crazy! I can’t stop running! And meowing! And jumping!

Rocky sez:

So here I was, minding my own business. I was chasing a ball, eating some tuna, watching people out the window, when my people decided to ruin my day. First they started by tearing my dining table apart. I love this table. For a long time they tried to tell me I wasn’t allowed on it, but after biting them enough, they gave up and now we’ve compromised that I won’t sit on it while they’re eating. *sigh* They’re so needy.

Anyway, they took my table apart. And then they picked up parts of it to take it out of the house. I have no idea what they did with it, but I was left with nothing to sit on that gave me the ability to see into the kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom, and the living room. I didn’t know what to do. So I wandered around talking about how I was upset and they laughed at me.

Then they disappeared for hours and when they came back, He went downstairs. I could hear him pounding and playing music. Sometimes he takes me with him, but today he didn’t. After he left, She took an entire chicken out of the refrigerator and put it in some device on the counter. She added a bunch of stuff to it and the she left. So I sat at the door listening to them talking, and pounding, and playing music. And then slowly, very slowly, I realized that the entire house was starting to smell like chicken. And since I didn’t have any chicken to eat, this made me crazy.

Then they finally came back upstairs, they made more food, and then they sat at the kitchen counter and ate. Which is awful, because when they do that I can’t see them eating. And more importantly, they can’t see how I’m slowly dying of hunger so they don’t give me food. And the food smelled so good, so I had to resort to throwing myself on the floor and crying. But all they did was laugh at me. They torture me so much.

She sez: After 13 years of saying we would turn this old door into a table, and occasionally doing parts of what needed to be done to make it happen, and having someone make a frame and legs for us, we’ve finally set about doing the final steps. Yesterday we created the new braces and anchors which will hopefully keep the table from wobbling. We also oiled and sealed it. So today we just need to do a final wipe, put it in place, and attach the final screws. Then we verify that it is wobble-free and we order a ginormous piece of glass to go on the top and then, for the first time since Andrew and I have been together, we will have a dining table that is functional, can seat up to 8, and doesn’t wobble, or require foam core to make the top functional enough to eat off of. We’re excited.

She also sez: Easy chicken in a crockpot recipe. Rinse one whole chicken. Place it in a crockpot on high. Add in 1 cup of soy sauce (I used Hawaiian soy sauce), 1/4 cup rice wine vinegar, several cloves of mashed garlic, 2 teaspoons of toasted sesame oil, and sprinkled pepper over the chicken. Let it cook for 4 hours, or until the leg wiggles freely. Place the sauce in a skillet and let it simmer to reduce a bit. Add a teaspoon of cornstarch to help it thicken. Make some rice and vegetable. Slice your chicken into pieces and serve with the sauce over rice. It is delicious.

The people think we can’t exist together without fighting or whining at each other. Well, sometimes when our normal people go away, a new person comes and stays. We think he got a camera for Christmas.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/boxspring/6623495283/

On Sunday we hosted the in-laws for a post-dinner cookie, tea and present celebration. It was the first time that some of The Man’s family had met Rocky The Impossible Kitty so we were a little worried how he would behave. Of course, The Mother-in-Law took one look at skinny old Boos and said “He needs to eat more.” She’s an Italian Grandmother when it comes to her GrandKittens.

Boos was brave and curled up on the sofa between The Brother-in-Law and the Father-in-Law. Which is surprising, since he normally loves The Ladies. But he took one whiff of the pregnant Sister-in-Law, sneered a bit, and decided boys had the Christmas magic for him. And he continued the cuddling, despite being picked up, which is amazingly brave for him.

And here is where you would expect me to tell you that Rocky drew blood and slashed tires, right? But you wouldn’t be more wrong. No one tried to pet him. Which seemed to confuse and bemuse him. So consequently he hung out and watched everyone. And he was remarkably charming. Climbing into boxes, empty bags, playing with ribbons. He ran around all bright eyed and swishy-tailed, chirping and making people chuckle.

Which all means that Rocky is better behaved around The Family than I am.

Why do they keep looking at us quizzically when we’re asleep on the couch curled up next to each other? We’re cold. Yeesh! Take a picture, it lasts longer. Except we hate cameras, so nevermind.

Every once in a while, while I’m hanging out trying to think of something fun to do, I see that Boos cat walk by all slow, confident, and cocky-like. And I can’t stand it. It just infuriates me. Here I am, rolling around on the floor trying to think of something to do while Those People ignore me, or point and laugh, or say things like “There he goes again”. But they don’t understand the agony of this boredom. None of the toys they throw my way are interesting.

So, when I see that Boos cat walk by like he owns the place, I can’t help but become INTOLERABLY ENRAGED and then I have to jump on him and bite him.

And then The Man jumps up, grabs me, yells “NO” in my face (Like I even know what that means!) and then he locks me in the bathroom for like five hundred hours, although the woman says it is five minutes, but I think her ability to tell time is off. And when I come out I can’t remember what I was doing before hand, so I roam around the house grumbling to myself about how no one appreciates me around here.

Boos sez:

Cheeks are for scratching and forheads are for rubbing.

NOW!

Rocky loves to have us throw a ball made of wool or fur that has been felted. He chases it like a berkazoid, fetches it, and then brings it to where he wants us to stand and throw it again. This goes on until he is unable to catch his breath and wheezes and throws himself on the floor.

2 minutes after I took this photo he was deeply asleep. He’s still a kitten I tell ya.

Just in case you were out of earshot, Boos would like everyone on Planet Earth to know that getting one’s nails trimmed is a ridiculous bit of torture. And I am apparently the LAST person on the face of the planet who should even be trying to trim his nails.

This otherwise tame and sweet feller just turned into a whirling dervish of teeth and fury. But I didn’t hurt him. At least not as far as I could tell. His yowls said otherwise, though.

“Why are you waking me up? Why are you biting my ear? Why are you thunder-purring while biting my ear?”

Rocky? Well, Rocky is now all “Since you’re up, why aren’t you petting me?”

Boos? He’s all, “Bish, please! I’m old. I’m going in the other room where I can get some rest. Y’all exhaust me!.”

Rocky? He’s all, “I don’t understand! I just wanna be loved by you.”

Rocky sez: That lady has been hurting me all day. First she started by putting chicken in the oven this morning. I asked for a small taste, I know what chicken is, and it is GOOOD! But, no! She couldn’t be bothered to spare a tiny taste for me. So then I had to roll around the kitchen floor for hours while the house just smelled more and more like chicken. And then, THEN! She put it into a pan on top of the stove and began to boil so it still smelled like chicken. And then, THEN! While I patiently sat on the floor patting her leg every once in a while to remind her that I was RIGHT HERE and HUNGRY she began to pull the chicken apart and threw half of it in the trash can. I’m sure that was perfectly good chicken and she decided to throw it away instead of giving it to me. Instead of give me any of it. I tried to jump on the counter to catch a bite while her back was turned but she caught me and then I had to leave the room. This is not fair! man I wish I had thumbs.

Boos sez: Rocky tries the direct appproach and it doesn’t work. I’m more subtle. I ignored her all day, until she was moving the chicken from the oven to the bit pot on top of the stove. And then I sat there patiently and quietly while she lifted chicken from one pan and put it into the pot. And then when a bit of chicken fell on the ground? I ate it. And I sat there looking wide-eyed and hungry and then as she was finishing, she pulled off another piece of chicken and gave it to me. So this means that Boos gets 2 and Rocky gets 0. So even though I can’t tell him why, I’m the winner.

I just woke up from a 5-hour-nap. It was supposed to be a 20-minute refresher, but turned into an average night’s sleep that happened during the day and on the sofa. It was too warm for the cats to snuggle but they both visited me while I was napping, which was sweet. But then I woke up to Rocky standing on the floor with his paws on the side of the sofa near my head trilling at me repeatedly. I rolled over, looked at him, smiled and went to pet him. He dodged my hand and walked out of the room grumbling. I decided to get up once I realized I’d been asleep for 5 hours and went to the bathroom when I realized I’d missed a few phone calls. I think he may understand that we are supposed to talk into phones when they ring. Or he was just annoyed that the phone calls were interrupting his nap, because now he is curled up on the bed with his head resting on Andrew’s pillow.

He really is. He’s so freaking selfish and self-centered that he only pays attention to what he wants. For example, he woke me up today before our alarm went off because he was hungry and we weren’t getting up, but he could see other people in the neighborhood getting up and out. So he woke me up. “Fine!” I figured I would go feed him wet food, hit the bathroom, and the lay back down for a bit.

But, oh no. Rocky didn’t just want me to feed him. He wanted me to feed him and WATCH HIM EAT. This is a new thing. He’s decided that mealtime is family time. So after I fed him I went to the bathroom where he proceeded to attack the door and the doorknob the entire time I was in there. You try focusing on your necessaries while there is a monster-cat attacking your door. Not easy, lemmetellya.

So I decided that I was awake fully and proceeded to get dressed while he stood with his front paws on the bed and his head near Andrew’s face and yelled, mewed, churckled, trilled, gurgled, and chatted continuously. Once I was dressed I went back to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. He followed me back in and began to eat the food he hadn’t touched.

Once he was done eating, he walked to me, rubbed up against my leg, rested his cheek coyly by my knee, gave me his blinky-eyed love face and mewed softly. And now he is napping on his window seat. He’s such a dick. I lost more naptime because of him. But does he care? Oh no. Dick.

Rocky sez: Wah! It’s hot!

Andrew left for San Francisco on Thursday afternoon. So he’s been gone for around 48 hours. Normally by this time Boos is flashing me his “Can’t we just run away together? Just the two of us?” eyes. And Rocky is biting me for even daring to look at him.

This trip Boos doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. He hasn’t slept with me, he doesn’t follow me around, he has no interest in the multiple offers of laptime, he doesn’t even want his special food. Rocky, on the other hand, is nothing but love and can’t get close enough to me. I think there’s some Freaky Friday bidness up in here.